This Month in Charts: August
Men Are From Mars
August kicked off with the successful landing of Mars rover Curiosity. But the even bigger story turned out to be NASA mission lead and dude-with-a-mohawk Bobak Ferdowsi — now known as “Mohawk Guy” — whose rapid fangirling reached such heights that even President Obama weighed in.
Women Are From Venus
Not to be outdone by Mars, Earth got together to wrap up the Olympics in style, with compelling storylines from Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt to Olympic all-around gymnastics gold medalist Gabby Douglas. However, the US Women as a whole outshone all individual storylines by simply kicking ass.
A Generous Swelling Of Pride
Not all news from the world of sports kicked ass — some just added a pimple or two to it. (Editor: gag.) Steroids were back in the news for Major League Baseball, with the suspensions of Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon for failed drug tests.
But the lies don’t end with baseball. Cyclist and seven time Tour-de-France winner Lance Armstrong dropped his appeal on doping charges, stripping him of all seven titles. Which makes us all winners… of as many championships as the shattered icon.
And in a different kind of icon… hello Paul Ryan! Ryan (and his placid baby blues) entered the national consciousness when Mitt Romney chose him to be his presidential running mate. Adorable though Paul may be, he didn’t blow us away (though Tampa may beg to differ). Here are some other Ryans we would have preferred.
From American politics to Canadian royalty — songstress Avril Lavigne and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger are engaged! The newly formed power couple has already elicited comparisons to Beyonce and Jay-Z and Yoko Ono and John Lennon, in a manner of speaking.
Keep Your Chin Up
In more annoying people news, Jay Leno was forced to cut some two dozen members of his staff and take a pay cut as NBC tries to improve The Tonight Show’s financial performance. The cuts are expected to cut his literate viewership in half.
Finally, let’s end the month with the words of Neil Armstrong, a man who also loved charts.
“I am, and ever will be, a white-socks, pocket-protector, nerdy engineer, born under the second law of thermodynamics, steeped in steam tables, in love with free-body diagrams, transformed by Laplace and propelled by compressible flow.”
See you in September!
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