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July 19, 2012 93 notes

Connor Ratliff for President: He’s Old Enough!

Connor Ratliff, member of Upright Citizens Brigade improv team The Stepfathers, is running for President. What makes him qualified? In his words, “I’m 36 and that’s old enough to be President.” He’s been traversing the Isle of Manhattan to make his case, from a press conference in Battery Park to General Grant National Memorial (Grant’s Tomb), featured here in a video for 92nd Street Y’s Campaign for the American Conversation. His story serves as a reminder that we are living the Constitution every day, as the Founding Fathers intended. Drunk and hot.

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July 2, 2012 1,718 notes

$Committing the Crime of Meat Three years ago, Brooklyn writer/author/comedian Anita Serwacki created a blog called Meat Crimes. It’s pretty much what it sounds like: stories about crimes that involve meat. A meat crime wire service, if you will, complete with tipline. As the rest of us head out to BBQ this holiday, Serwacki told us what drew her to the art of meat (crimes). So, seriously. How’d you end up making a blog about meat crimes? My pal Layna and I have long enjoyed sharing meat-related news stories with each other. One day I thought, “Isn’t there a goddamn meat crime wire service we can subscribe to?” And there wasn’t. I couldn’t believe it! So I stepped up to ﬁll that void. Your Twitter handle is @BaloneySerwacki. I take it you’ve always loved meat? I’m no Johnny-come-lately meat-fancier. Among a number of friends, my nickname is “Meat.” I was a DJ for a long time, and my moniker was DJ Meat Mistress. I enjoy consuming meat, looking at pictures of it, talking about it and reading about it. I am most fond of meat ad campaigns. I love the idea of Madison Avenue boys huddling together in a conference room to put a snappy shine on carcasses. What are your meat-crime newsgathering techniques? Finding the quality, local stories requires searching over 20 individual types of meat along with a string of criminal key words (e.g. “pork arrest,” “pork charged,” “pork theft,” “pork blotter,” etc.). If the meat crime well goes dry for a spell, I’ll sometimes try alternatives–mostly meat delivery systems like “sandwich” or “burrito.” That’s how I came across this story: “An Orlando man accused Tuesday of illegally cutting off a 50-inch alligator tail told deputies he hacked it with a knife kept in his Taco Bell pants.” That guy had amazing hair, just like Tintin. Do you have a favorite meat crime? So as not to clog the blog up with an endless string of everyday stories about jerks shoplifting beef jerky, I only focus on the most colorful tales involving things like a naked guy stealing a retirement home’s breakfast sausages, an elderly man on oxygen stealing 100 pounds of clams after he blew all his Social Security money on a new tattoo, or someone shooting his neighbor after being offended by the offer of a pork chop. However, perhaps the craziest involved a tidy stack of seven freshly killed wild boars discovered in a Carl’s Jr. drive-thru. What’s the craziest meat crime you’ve come across? My all-time favorite was just a little blotter item, but it really tells a story: “Why Can’t a Sex Offender Eat Hot Dogs Behind a Day Care Center’s Dumpster in Peace?” Police arrested a man they found crouching behind a dumpster near a day-care facility on the Southside. A concerned citizen had spotted the man and called police. Ofﬁcers found him looking at the playground area, and asked him what he was doing there. He Replied, “eating his wieners.” While patting him down, ofﬁcers found a package of 22 hot dogs stuffed in his pants. The man also possessed several documents stating that he was a convicted sex offender, including one that clearly stated: “you shall not loiter at any child care facility, school or area where minors congregate.” Have you ever committed a meat crime? Be honest. I have never personally boosted meat items or ham-clobbered someone in anger. However, when I was growing up, we did regularly dine on what I called “garbage bag steaks.” My grandparents had a bar in Buffalo, and every so often a couple guys hauling garbage bags full of meat would stop in. The meat had been packaged at the local supermarket, and they would sell it to the bar customers for a fraction of the sticker price. You still hear about this scam occasionally. You partner up with an unscrupulous supermarket butcher. He tosses a certain amount of the wrapped inventory in a dedicated trashcan, which is then retrieved by the meat peddlers later that night. I recently reminded my mother of this, and she said, “I suppose in retrospect it wasn’t the wisest thing to feed your family meat from a strange man’s garbage bag.” Do you actually get emails in the Meat Crime tipline? My favorite and most frequent submitter is Will Greenlee, an actual reporter in Florida. He maintains a terriﬁc weird crime blog for Scripps Treasure Coast called Off the Beat, which more often than not features meat-related shenanigans. Florida is head and shoulders above the No. 2 Meat Crimes hotspot of Ohio. — Cat LethCuts of pork diagram and uncooked meat photo via Shutterstock$

Committing the Crime of Meat

Three years ago, Brooklyn writer/author/comedian Anita Serwacki created a blog called Meat Crimes. It’s pretty much what it sounds like: stories about crimes that involve meat. A meat crime wire service, if you will, complete with tipline. As the rest of us head out to BBQ this holiday, Serwacki told us what drew her to the art of meat (crimes).

So, seriously. How’d you end up making a blog about meat crimes?

My pal Layna and I have long enjoyed sharing meat-related news stories with each other. One day I thought, “Isn’t there a goddamn meat crime wire service we can subscribe to?” And there wasn’t. I couldn’t believe it! So I stepped up to ﬁll that void.

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May 18, 2012 603 notes

A Tiny Step for Hands, A Giant Leap for Man

Zach Vitale didn’t set out to become a meme creator. And even if he had, it’s unlikely he could have predicted that meme would involve hundreds of tiny hands. He was your average photography grad, working at a Boston studio and spending his days retouching waify models for an online retail site. But he often found himself bored and unoccupied when his coworkers would go out to smoke without him.

So he gave himself a project: make one of the model’s hands tiny while they were gone. Have a good laugh. Get back to work. Repeat. Three years later — and with a hand from James Weinberg and Bob O’Connor — One Tiny Hand was born, shrinking palms on everyone from Miss Piggy to Jay-Z.

What’s the strangest thing about making tiny hands?

Everyone’s hands seem huge now! It’s like the whole world is walking around with catcher’s mitts on.

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May 11, 2012 1,203 notes

Fuck Yeah Fuckyeah Blogs

No one really knows why the “Fuck Yeah X” blog phenomenon became so popular — nor why it’s still going very strong in terms of raw numbers. As for ultimate beginnings, conventional wisdom points to the pop-culture longevity of “America, Fuck Yeah” from the soundtrack to Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 2004 flick Team America: World Police, but there’s no real evidence beyond the circumstantial to support this conclusion. Only a few mainstream media outlets dared cover the trend due to the profanity in the name (may we suggest “fudge yeah” as a workaround?).

Coincidentally, the bloggers behind Fuck Yeah Menswear were yesterday (allegedly) prematurely revealed as Kevin Burrows and Lawrence Schlossman (the latter running the non-fuckyeah Tumblr How to Talk to Girls at Parties); they have a book releasing this fall. So on Tumblr, where did the fuckyeah blogs really come from, and what are people fuckyeahing about these days?

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